Thursday, 13 December 2012

Sustainability nemesis: Thine name is Breakfast Bar


Oh sustainability nemesis. Thine name is "Breakfast Bar".
Damn thee and thine horsemen of the planetary apocalypse!
A thousand plagues of locusts would cling and die
To the plastic armour thou hast clinging to thine apples.
Thine deep, red, waxy, non-local, pesticide-laden apples.
Made redder by the unholy white aura of an army of polystyrene plates,
And bowls, and coffee lids! My plastic-laden cup runneth over!
Thine convenience it tempts me, but thine wasteful creamers
Repel me with the wrath of a million plastic stir sticks!
Vile mistress! Where are thine bulk cereal containers?
Thine jugs of organic, anti-biotic and hormone-free milk?
Churned with the hands of bare-footed, fairly-compensated, local virgins?
No kitchen facilities thou say? Fie! Fie thy excuses!
For I see one, hidden behind thee, and in thine suite down the hall.
And even without a fairest and fully-staffed kitchen,
Hast thou common self not learned of compostable disposables?
Thine corporate policies sang of lush, green, organic pastures.
Now about to contract-wed thou appear wasteful and fallen short of expectations.
Such sweetness before me, but in such small, individual packages!
Out Nemesis! Out I say! Feel the vengeance of my contract clause!
May its power compel you to align front line service
With boardroom ideas of being a champion for sustainability.

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